Right now I'm hurting, but I'm going to be okay!
I basically suck at expressing the turmoil going on inside me, and I don't have a good outlet for it so instead I just turn inward. Part of the reason I set up this website is because I'm trying to find a way to vent some of the things I've pent up over time. Another reason is quite simply that I want to become better at writing! So this is me starting the Big Purge.
Looking back not too long ago, less than a year, things were going well in my life. Granted, I wasn't very happy with my day job, but I had a lot of other things to make up for it. Friends both online that I talked to and played games with regularly, and ones that I hung out with AFK. I was part of an amazing community, and I had some plans for the future, things I wanted to do.
Things change, though, and quite often not in ways you want them to change. A lot has happened in this last year, and I feel I've lost my way. Lost my place in the community, and my sense of purpose. Even lost myself a bit.
I still love the 42nd community immensely, I just don't know where I belong in it. Earlier I knew what I was doing, and I knew my role in it. Now I'm standing on the sidelines, replaced. Like I'm not needed for anything anymore.
Friends, well, the group of people I used to play with on a regular basis kind of drifted apart. I still play with one or two semi-regularly, but others have mostly moved on to servers I simply can't play on due geographical limitations.
I still see my AFK friends now and then, but my periods of depression have made me more of a recluse.
As previously mentioned I had plans to visit a girl in Ottawa. Well, I went. And unfortunately it didn't work out too well. I'm still a bit broken up about it even though it's been a month now since I got back home. I may write more in depth about it, or I might not. We'll see what happens.
Overall I'm sad and lonely, and sometimes I'm just emotionally drained. Right now I'm hurting, but I'm going to be okay!